SwagBucks

I would totally love everyone that views my blog to come sign up. Referrals are Key and it would be awesome if you could sign up. This is legit, not one of those " try me buy me i'm going to haunt you forever" type of deals. I don't like those kind of places and wouldn't support them.




so plllllllllllllllllllease, sign up!

AW so Happy

I am so happy, i have been looking for blogs that are interesting to me, where i could find people that i could actually talk to and what not, so i did this swap and there are so many blogs to look at, it's unbelievable. Not only can we visit people who visited us:

Simply Crazy Life
lilmisspolkadot

madaboutpink

Ramble Time- Reinvented

Cricut Critter

Just Add Water, Silly

sugarcrawler

robotgranny

Kellys Place

Give time or Money

But we can also visit other people, then other people, then MORE people. It's endess and I love it. What a fun thing to do when i'm bored.
OHHH and if you like giving and receiveing, sign up for swapbot while you're there!!!

Lately...

 

 

 

 

 

Lately i've been thinking about all the possibilities of life. I haven't finalized any of my future plans, but i'm wondering if the ideas floating around in my head are that of any worth.

I feel bad knowing that pretty soon I will be not only a full time mommy, but a full time employee and a full time student. As I was watching my son play today the thought came to me " am i doing the right thing" i couldn't help but wonder if i should just slow down and not worry about it till he's older so that I can raise him right and myself, instead of what i feel is pawning him off on my mom. I thought that maybe i would hold off on school and beg and plead for more hours at work so that i could make enough money to support him, but then I think that i wouldn't be that great of a mom to him because I would always be thinking of those " what i should be doing"s.

I'm still not sure though. I'm getting ready to embark on a journey and i'm scared. I'll be the first to admit it, i'm trying to figure out how I 'm going to juggle it all without feeling too guilty or pressured, there's always something floating around in this head of mine and sometimes i wish that it would make sense, but it never does.

Here's what I have figured out this week though:

1. I desire to put God completely first in my life and I am struggling to get there.
2. I desire to make sure my son is raised with love and respect, and that he won't hate me for "not being there" (since i have to work and can't be with him)
3. I am going to school to obtain a certification in administration so i can support my son
4. by the new year i want to have a better paying, full time job
5. 2011 will *not* suck like the last, oh, 5 -6 years have
6. I am not divorcing my husband, i've been reading a lot of what the bible says on the subject and the 2 things that stick out the most are " God HATES divorce " and "love one another as christ loved you"
7. I am still confused as to what God wants and I desire to feel productive, but i don't.

so there ya have it. I'm going to school and i'm not leaving my husband. I am going to leave this blog now though cause i really don't think what i'm writing is making any sense what so ever!

I should update

I realize that i haven't updated since july 3rd. I don't really have the mindset to really sit and write a lot. My brain has been so full of a million different things.
I'm going to school in August, i'm trying to find a new job, i'm trying to deal with the overwhelming guilt I feel everytime i think of divorcing my husband, i'm trying to be a good mom, etc etc.
I'm mostly updating this because I hope to start writing more, once i start getting a little more time to focus. I am working on cleansing my soul of doubts, so hopefully i'll be writing a lot more.
Till then, i can't focus, and will be back soon.

We're baaaaack

We're back from our hiatus, it didn't go as expected. It was supposed to be a year long adventure full of saving money and being relaxed, but there was more drama than one can fathom and people who were so disrespectful and hateful that it was overbearing. I was invited home, "Home" what does that mean? I always grew up hearing my mom say that " home is where the heart is" so i guess in that regard my heart is always traveling because my heart belongs to Jude.
I have moved so many times in the last year that I have lost count. I have lived in nice places, bad places, and worse places. My husband currently lives in jail, there was only one place that i lived that was as bad as that and i was only there 2 weeks, and was allowed to leave.
So now here we are back at my parents. Jude is where he is loved, comfortable, and won't have to have angry mexican women slamming doors in his face.
Mommy is stressed over hours at work. I am going to go back to school in August, for which i am extremely excited, yet nervous about how much time i will be able to spend with jude.
I juggle these emotions all the time... I feel as though everytime i have something i want to accomplish, God tells me to do something different. I no longer know what the right thing to do is, other than making a better life for Jude and hoping he doesn't hate me for it in the future. 90% of me knows he will be proud of his mommy who sacrificed a lot for him, but that other 10% knows he has the genes in him that could cause him to absolutely despise me.
I constantly pray and ask God to help me, help Jude grow into a wonderful, Godly man. Please pray for that with me.
I actually must go now, because he is getting into things he shouldn't be getting into. I have to go but i'll write again soon!