Lately i've been thinking about all the possibilities of life. I haven't finalized any of my future plans, but i'm wondering if the ideas floating around in my head are that of any worth.
I feel bad knowing that pretty soon I will be not only a full time mommy, but a full time employee and a full time student. As I was watching my son play today the thought came to me " am i doing the right thing" i couldn't help but wonder if i should just slow down and not worry about it till he's older so that I can raise him right and myself, instead of what i feel is pawning him off on my mom. I thought that maybe i would hold off on school and beg and plead for more hours at work so that i could make enough money to support him, but then I think that i wouldn't be that great of a mom to him because I would always be thinking of those " what i should be doing"s.
I'm still not sure though. I'm getting ready to embark on a journey and i'm scared. I'll be the first to admit it, i'm trying to figure out how I 'm going to juggle it all without feeling too guilty or pressured, there's always something floating around in this head of mine and sometimes i wish that it would make sense, but it never does.
Here's what I have figured out this week though:
- I desire to put God completely first in my life and I am struggling to get there.
- I desire to make sure my son is raised with love and respect, and that he won't hate me for "not being there" (since i have to work and can't be with him)
- I am going to school to obtain a certification in administration so i can support my son
- by the new year i want to have a better paying, full time job
- 2011 will *not* suck like the last, oh, 5 -6 years have
- I am not divorcing my husband, i've been reading a lot of what the bible says on the subject and the 2 things that stick out the most are " God HATES divorce " and "love one another as christ loved you"
- I am still confused as to what God wants and I desire to feel productive, but i don't.
so there ya have it. I'm going to school and i'm not leaving my husband. I am going to leave this blog now though cause i really don't think what i'm writing is making any sense what so ever!
Hi this is cricut critter from Swapbot!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny I came across your blog, they say God works in mysterious ways, my sister is going through some rough times with her husband but with the help of God and family she is coming along.
God doesn't gives us more than we can handle, so God must be very proud of you, because he knows you can not only handle what he has put in your plate, but you can come out triumphant!
I would HIGHLY recommend watching the movie: FIREPROOF and checking out the resources at http://www.fireproofmymarriage.com/index.php they have lots of very inspirational help.
Best of luck to you and your family. God Bles!
Xochitl
Sara0811 from swapbot--and I am wishing you luck. I can tell just from the amount of thought you are putting into this that you are a great and caring mother. It's so hard to find the right balance and as someone who has grown kids I will just say that find the time to create some crazy memorable moments. Like one time I woke the kids up at midnight to watch shooting stars. Read to your child at night. As long as you get the "moments" in I bet you will be fine!!
ReplyDeleteDont be too hard on yourself. YOU CAN DO THIS.
ReplyDeleteim following you!
robotgranny SB
superstickylabels.blogspot.com
To even contemplate what you want to do takes a lot of personal belief and strength and I think you have what it takes to make your dreams come true.
ReplyDeleteI mentioned your blog on mine. You can check it out at http://cmramble.blogger.com
I am cmarois and I AM A BLOGGER TOO!
It sounds like your life is very hectic and busy. I'm sure you're going to handle it brilliantly. I think allowing your mom to help you is the best thing you can do for all of you. Going to school to better your job position sounds like a perfect thing, I think as long as you have quality time with your son, the less quantity won't phase him because gramma can pick up the slack. Ya gotta love moms for that, always there to help. Good luck. I;ll add your blog to my blog post about the blog follower swap on swap bot, it'll probably be posted wednesday. Nice to meet you and read your very personal blog. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteBest,
Jenn (jaemac from swap bot)
Life will be hectic but you CAN do it. Accept help when you need it and don't forget to take care of yourself too. I went to school full-time while working and being a new mom - it can be done and it won't last forever! :)
ReplyDeleteShelby - slogsdon from swap-bot.com
simplycrazylife.typepad.com
It sounds like you are so thoughtful and really love your son!! Good for you to go to school and you are making a good example for him because one day he'll see all the things you did to make his life better. I have been in similar situations. My kids are in high school now and when I look back on things the most important thing was spending good, quality time together. Not necessarily the things we've done or the amount of time but an hour here or there just laughing and talking. Good luck to you and your family. You will do great! Follow your heart always!! Kelly (kellylynn9 from Swap-bot).
ReplyDelete