Thoughts, feelings, and ramblings of a working, wanna be, stay at home mom.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Lately i've been thinking about all the possibilities of life. I haven't finalized any of my future plans, but i'm wondering if the ideas floating around in my head are that of any worth.
I feel bad knowing that pretty soon I will be not only a full time mommy, but a full time employee and a full time student. As I was watching my son play today the thought came to me " am i doing the right thing" i couldn't help but wonder if i should just slow down and not worry about it till he's older so that I can raise him right and myself, instead of what i feel is pawning him off on my mom. I thought that maybe i would hold off on school and beg and plead for more hours at work so that i could make enough money to support him, but then I think that i wouldn't be that great of a mom to him because I would always be thinking of those " what i should be doing"s.
I'm still not sure though. I'm getting ready to embark on a journey and i'm scared. I'll be the first to admit it, i'm trying to figure out how I 'm going to juggle it all without feeling too guilty or pressured, there's always something floating around in this head of mine and sometimes i wish that it would make sense, but it never does.
Here's what I have figured out this week though:
I desire to put God completely first in my life and I am struggling to get there.
I desire to make sure my son is raised with love and respect, and that he won't hate me for "not being there" (since i have to work and can't be with him)
I am going to school to obtain a certification in administration so i can support my son
by the new year i want to have a better paying, full time job
2011 will *not* suck like the last, oh, 5 -6 years have
I am not divorcing my husband, i've been reading a lot of what the bible says on the subject and the 2 things that stick out the most are " God HATES divorce " and "love one another as christ loved you"
I am still confused as to what God wants and I desire to feel productive, but i don't.
so there ya have it. I'm going to school and i'm not leaving my husband. I am going to leave this blog now though cause i really don't think what i'm writing is making any sense what so ever!
I am a mother and a Child of God. I am no one special,except to God above. I have a lot of things I want to do with my life and will be working hard to accomplish them. I want to share with you my life of being a single mother, faith believing, Christ loving, woman of God.