Saturday, July 3, 2010

We're baaaaack

We're back from our hiatus, it didn't go as expected. It was supposed to be a year long adventure full of saving money and being relaxed, but there was more drama than one can fathom and people who were so disrespectful and hateful that it was overbearing. I was invited home, "Home" what does that mean? I always grew up hearing my mom say that " home is where the heart is" so i guess in that regard my heart is always traveling because my heart belongs to Jude.
I have moved so many times in the last year that I have lost count. I have lived in nice places, bad places, and worse places. My husband currently lives in jail, there was only one place that i lived that was as bad as that and i was only there 2 weeks, and was allowed to leave.
So now here we are back at my parents. Jude is where he is loved, comfortable, and won't have to have angry mexican women slamming doors in his face.
Mommy is stressed over hours at work. I am going to go back to school in August, for which i am extremely excited, yet nervous about how much time i will be able to spend with jude.
I juggle these emotions all the time... I feel as though everytime i have something i want to accomplish, God tells me to do something different. I no longer know what the right thing to do is, other than making a better life for Jude and hoping he doesn't hate me for it in the future. 90% of me knows he will be proud of his mommy who sacrificed a lot for him, but that other 10% knows he has the genes in him that could cause him to absolutely despise me.
I constantly pray and ask God to help me, help Jude grow into a wonderful, Godly man. Please pray for that with me.
I actually must go now, because he is getting into things he shouldn't be getting into. I have to go but i'll write again soon!

1 comment:

  1. Things seemed to fall out of place w/ me when I first had my son. Just follow your heart and do what you believe is best not what you think is best :) My son is now 4yrs old, very happy and knows mommy loves him. I'm sure when your son turns 4 he will feel the same way. Things always get harder before they get easier, from my experience anyway! Stay encouraged things will work out!

    QueenQuisa (Swap-bot)